Apathy – well it is a word I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck about probably throughout my entire my life yet once I heard it on one episode of Californication (that very artsy and addictive dark comedy :)) and what it could do, I curiously checked the word out in a little dictionary app on my iPhone (a happening I’d like to talk about as well). Anyway, ”Apathy Kills”, one of Hunk’s many flings supposedly put forth, in-part what made me fall in love with the word and subsequent state it described. Not that I wish for eventual death (it’s well on its way) but the strength it held to match that of the grim without any form of physical attack puts me in awe-hell it puts anyone in fear.
Now as would be described by many, an apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical and/or physical life. I prefer the parallel definition in positive psychology books-a result of the individual feeling they do not possess the level of skill required to confront a challenge or that perception there exists no challenge at all. Either way apathy as an ideology has been portrayed by many as a dreadful consequence-the basis of deeply trenched nihilism, existential crisis, a killer of action and as one author described it ‘one half’ of death.
While dreaded and holding destructive effects, I admire apathy for what it does (done for me at least) and of late have to come to appreciate. While I enjoy holding opinion on things and when called for offering it to people, I have come to appreciate the fact that much of my day to day experiences in life remain indifferent. To an extent I feel part detached to all things the world has to offer. Apathy on a daily basis reminds me that until its whole (‘death’) comes for me, not one single item or person (tangible or otherwise) will ever fully give me satisfaction. My pieces of ‘happiness’ lay scattered all over the earth. The way I see it is, I have two alternatives. I can go round this earth searching for these pieces, enjoy the bursts of ‘fulfilment’ experiencing them’ gaining a sense achievement collecting them as a result OR sit and enjoy this forever-calm sea of indifference I am in and watch the many lights (pieces of happiness) of the city. I am in that light house position-I stand at sea connected to land, rain or sunshine, day or night, people or not, I am indifferent to the big view (life experiences)-its awesome, the view is of endless possibilities, the lights each own different shades-ironically this is fulfilling in a sense. Do I want to grab the shiny and own any of these lights?… no…ad rather the lights light.
Apathy in me:I don’t understand why you are not that excited-its your first diary entry Eric!. You unappreciative twat.